How to Get Workplace Kindness Right

Gone are the days when ruthlessness was synonymous with doing business. Today, kindness is extolled by many as an important virtue to bring into the workplace. Researchers have highlighted its potential to boost employee well-being in hybrid work settings and contribute to positive business outcomes, while numerous companies have expressed a commitment to kindness values and pledges. 

Defined simply as doing nice things for others, kindness is universally appreciated. However, without proper qualification, the recommendation to be kind is like the recommendation to exercise: Great in principle, but impractical without knowing the scope and dosage. How kind should one be at work? How often? Should we be kind to others to the point of self-immolation, or is it enough to be a little kind to reap the benefits of kindness for ourselves and others?

Broadening the definition

In an earlier article, I (Nadav Klein) discussed research which found that the reputational and social benefits of kindness top out at a certain point. This is usually the point at which actions and behaviours meet the acceptable norms in the workplace. Be a decent human being, and you have reached the optimal point at which the benefits of showing kindness exceed the personal costs. Go a bit over, and the equation flips. It’s not that people don’t appreciate “extreme” kindness – it’s just that they really appreciate others “just” being decent. All costs and benefits considered, it does no additional good to ask people to maximise kindness as currently defined.

If this sort of kindness has its limits, are there other potentially more beneficial ways that we can practise kindness at work? We (Klein and Eliot Gattegno) suggest that the answer lies in expanding the definition of the term to include leadership actions that benefit people in both the short and long run, which we outline below. Once this new definition is set, new opportunities to practice kindness arise.

1. Interpersonal kindness

This type of kindness is traditionally defined as being nice to others. Offering to lend a hand on a project, giving a compliment, bringing a peer a cup of coffee or their favourite snack – all these behaviours fall under this category. They are beneficial in creating a collegial environment and elevating the happiness and well-being of those around you.

Although this is certainly important, interpersonal kindness has its limits. Happiness is not the only outcome we want for our employees. It is a positive emotion that is relatively short-lived, as people quickly adapt to even the most uplifting of events. There are longer-term benefits that kindness can provide if we broaden the scope and adopt two additional definitions. 

2. Practical kindness

Beyond treating others well, practical kindness means doing your best to help people do their jobs better. This can be achieved by thinking through the opportunities, manpower and resources your teams have for doing their current jobs and allocating these effectively. For instance, to motivate and challenge employees, you can give them stretch goals, along with the proper support to fulfil them. It also means switching people away from jobs they are not suited for and steering them down a different path. 

At its core, the basic leadership action involved in practical kindness is giving honest feedback and not shying away from communicating negative feedback when needed. Research has found that people underestimate others’ desire to hear constructive feedback and so avoid giving it. However, such feedback can be the ultimate act of kindness, as it shows you care enough to have tough conversations. 

In his book “Principles”, renowned hedge fund manager Ray Dalio recalls a time when an employee sent him an email chastising him for coming unprepared to an important client meeting. Dalio reflected how embracing this blunt assessment rather than feeling insulted enabled him to grow as a leader and keep his ego in check. 

The outcome of practical kindness is not necessarily happiness. Sometimes, such actions by leaders can make people happy in the short term, but they could also make them unhappy – especially when difficult but necessary conversations arise. Instead, the desired outcome is empowering your people to perform their jobs to the best of their abilities.

There is a contradiction between making individuals happy in the short run and helping people be successful in their jobs in the long run. Leaders must master this contradiction if they are to practise practical kindness that helps people increase not just their output but also their impact. They will be better off for it. Over time, they will be able to accomplish more, feel more fulfilled and have greater freedom and agency in their careers.

3. Developmental kindness

A third form of kindness takes an even longer-term perspective. Developmental kindness is helping people acquire skills to get to the next level. Here, the focus is on the people themselves (whereas for practical kindness, it is the job they perform).

This first requires identifying what the next level is for each person. For some, this may entail a promotion in your organisation. For others, it could mean an unconventional path – a lateral move, a transfer or an exit from the company to take up an entrepreneurial role. The next step is helping people get to this next level.

One of the most powerful actions you can take as a leader is delegating with an eye for the future. Handing people tasks and responsibilities lies at the heart of being a leader – it practically sums up the job description. It is one thing to tell people what they should do to reach the next level. It is another thing to give them opportunities to learn these skills. If you can delegate not only tasks required of their current job but also tasks required of their desired future job, you will be acting kindly towards them in a meaningful way. 

This should be done only when your people are ready and have the necessary bandwidth. Leaders must walk the tightrope between delegating tasks only within an employee’s job description and thus offering no development opportunities, and delegating too much beyond an individual’s current role and causing undue stress and overwork. You must know when someone is at a place where forward-looking challenge is appropriate, and when they are not.

Developmental kindness means acting as a mentor and taking individuals’ careers and future success seriously. It requires incorporating their goals while also providing your input, gaining their trust and respect, and challenging them when you believe they are short-changing themselves or holding themselves back. It’s a much more demanding form of kindness than doing nice things for them. 

However, the rewards are also greater – not just for employees but for leaders as well. According to research, helping others in such important ways creates a lasting sense of meaning in your own career. Moreover, you can establish a reputation as a leader who develops others, which could strengthen your ability to hire the best people in the future.

Stories of mentorship in the business world are retold frequently. Some of the most famous examples are the valuable advice given by Steve Jobs to Mark Zuckerberg that helped the latter get through the growing pains of building Facebook. Similarly, the multi-decade mentor-mentee relationship between Warren Buffett and Bill Gates is the stuff of legends, which Gates seemingly repeats to anyone who’ll listen. 

Kindness in business can be valuable to both those who personify it and those who receive it. By broadening the definition of the term, leaders can show kindness in ways that don’t just benefit employees in the short run but can also have lasting positive effects.