by Sharon Melnick and Dorie Clark
Many professionals have, at times, found themselves frustrated in their current role or organization. While quitting is sometimes the right answer, circumstances outside of your control can make staying the better (or only) choice. If you’re among those who need to remain in an unsatisfying role, it’s important to recognize that you’re not without options.
In our work with professionals and top leaders—Sharon as an executive psychologist and executive coach, and Dorie as an author and keynote speaker—we’ve identified four strategies to transform this challenging period into a valuable phase of your career.
Make it your choice to stay
When facing persistent negative experiences at work, your brain can default to a hard-wired state of learned helplessness, resulting in a reduced sense of control and burnout. Instead of viewing yourself as trapped, reclaim control by making an active choice to stay because the benefits currently outweigh the costs for you. For instance, instead of framing your job as “something I have to do,” it can be useful to change your internal mantra to “I’m coming to work on my own terms,” or viewing the company (and your paycheck) as “funding your eventual transition.”
To maintain your sense of agency, establish quarterly check-ins with yourself to reassess whether staying remains worthwhile. For instance, you could ask yourself:
- What aspects of the job, if any, are helping me grow?
- Are there skills, experiences, or contacts I can cultivate now that will help me later on?
- What’s my red line that would make the job intolerable (triggering a different decision), and how will I know if I’ve reached that point?
Asking these questions transforms an indefinite commitment into a series of intentional choices, enabling you to feel a greater sense of agency over your professional life.
Identify previously hidden opportunities
Owning your decision to stay reduces the stress of constantly trying to survive or change your situation, and enables you to access bigger picture, more creative thinking. Try adopting a beginner’s mindset to see your role through fresh eyes. Even if your position no longer stimulates you, you can find new meaning by exploring cross-functional connections, learning about customer impact, or revisiting promising ideas that were previously shelved during busier periods. Alternatively, you could choose to focus more on people development or practicing deeper presence with colleagues to improve the quality of your interactions.
For example, an SVP at a financial institution hired Sharon after being overlooked for a promotion. Concerned she wouldn’t be able to find a similar role at another company, she decided she needed to stay at her current job even if it meant not advancing. However, by mapping organizational stakeholders and identifying opportunities to create value, she proposed and was approved for a new role leading a high-visibility, revenue-generating project of special interest to the CEO. This enabled her to navigate around her micromanaging boss, and earn both a title and salary advancement. Refreshing your perspective and considering your role from different angles enables you to see—and create— new opportunities and prevent stagnation.
Take responsibility for your part
Rather than blaming external factors for your dissatisfaction, identify what you might be contributing to the situation. Your degree of agency is typically greater than you realize and will determine your ability to drive better opportunities.
For instance, one of Sharon’s clients —a CTO at a technology company—wanted to leave, but was contractually obligated to stay for an additional year. She consciously chose to shift her thinking: “Instead of focusing on the inadequacies of my executive leadership, I started to focus on showing up as the best version of myself.” She identified ways to improve her team’s operations and build stronger partnerships with stakeholders. Those steps enabled her to implement industry-leading technology without increasing costs, which elevated her influence in management meetings and reduced the stress she felt around staying.
It’s useful to start by sorting out the aspects of your current situation that are within your control or influence, as well as those that are not. Choose one to three specific ways you can improve your current situation through your own efforts—without requiring anyone else to change. Additionally, you might consider developing a daily practice of setting a leadership intention each morning. Identify three specific qualities you want to embody that day, regardless of circumstances or others’ behavior. For example, you might choose “strategic, positive, and collaborative.” Even if you can’t control outside circumstances you can maximize your internal experience in order to increase your sense of efficacy and job satisfaction.
Use this time to evolve, not just endure
It can also be useful to view your current position as part of a larger career arc, rather than a holding pattern. Use this period strategically to develop skills for your next role or identify your next move. One woman that Dorie profiled in her book Reinventing You—an unhappy attorney—used her lunch hour strategically by inviting out people whose jobs she found fascinating. After dozens of lunches, she finally found her next career.
You can strive to identify at least one capability that would make you more marketable, then find opportunities to develop it in your current position by resculpting your role or expanding the bounds of your job description. For instance, if AI knowledge would benefit your future prospects, volunteer to join or lead your company’s AI working group. If public speaking would enhance your profile, represent your organization at industry conferences.
Additionally, leverage the familiarity of your current role—you’re more efficient because you know the ropes—to create bandwidth for external development. Consider applying for board advisory positions, industry association leadership, or certification programs. You may also identify other ways to tap into flow states, such as mentoring others or immersing yourself in a meaningful hobby.
When quitting isn’t an option, it’s still possible to transform a challenging work situation into a growth opportunity. By following these steps, you can regain your sense of agency, reduce stress, and prepare yourself for future opportunities—rather than simply surviving.
Source: HBR