Facebook

Google

Twitter

Linkedin

Email

by Bill Murphy Jr

Read anything good lately?

Read anything good lately? Cool, glad to hear — hey, let me tell you about what I just read! In fact, it involves the extremely annoying thing I’m doing right now!

That would be “boomerasking,” which is how Harvard Business School professor Alison Wood Brooks describes a very common but almost universally disliked conversational quirk.

It goes like this:

1. Someone asks you a question. You’re flattered! They care about your opinion!
2. But when you start to answer, it seems as if they’re not even listening. Maybe they don’t let you answer at all.
3. Finally, impatiently, they dive straight into a story about their experience, or their opinion — as if the whole point of asking you the question was to hijack the conversation so that you’d have to listen to them, instead.

Now Brooks and another professor, Michael Yeomans of Imperial College London, have coauthored a roughly 15,000-word examination of the whole tendency in the Journal of Experimental Psychology — digging into why people fall into the trap, why it annoys so much, and what you can gain by training yourself not to.

It’s annoying!

Despite my boomerasking at the beginning of this article — that was just a narrative example. I try to avoid doing this in real life!

Because it’s annoying, right? Almost everyone agrees.

In an especially clear example, Brooks cites research that suggests that when people go on dates, asking questions and seeming interested in the answers makes it more likely they’ll get a second date, while “boomerasking” has the exact opposite effect.

“Unfortunately, it turns out that boomerasking is an easy way to undermine the superpower of question-asking,” she said.

Bragging, complaining, and sharing

Brooks and Yeomans came up with three categories of “boomerasking,” including:

But if almost everyone seems to agree that they’re annoyed by boomerasking, why do people do it? Two reasons, mainly.

First, they have a harder time recognizing and categorizing their own boomerasking, as opposed to when other people do it.

Second, they subjectively conclude that the other person in a conversation will like them more and feel included if they start conversations with a question — while not apparently recognizing that asking isn’t the same thing as actively listening to the answer.

Breaking the habit

Brooks and Yeomans also looked at how taking control of the boomerasking habit can help people become better leaders.

For example, a boss who doesn’t realize he or she is prone to boomerasking can create a culture in which employees don’t think their expertise or opinions are valued, which in turn leads to low morale.

“We’ve all had the experience of the bad boss who calls a meeting to ask for people’s feedback on a topic and lets people briefly chime in, only to mostly tell them what he thinks,” Brooks said in an interview. “It’s what drives people nuts about meetings—people come together to take advantage of the hive mind, to share their useful knowledge or feel heard.

Want to break the habit? Brooks has a few tips:

Try to identify if you do it, learn to show real interest when you ask people questions, and ask questions that you can’t answer yourself easily.

Oh, and maybe call out the elephant in the room by acknowledging the concept of boomerasking, and telling your employees that you’d like them to call you out if you do it.

Got any other ideas?

Seriously, I’m not boomerasking. If you’ve got something to suggest, message me here.

If we get enough smart replies, maybe we can do a follow-up.

This post originally appeared at inc.com.

Facebook

Google

Twitter

Linkedin

Email

BY Kudzi Chikumbu

Source: Fast Company 

Facebook

Google

Twitter

Linkedin

Email

by Sharon Melnick and Dorie Clark

Many professionals have, at times, found themselves frustrated in their current role or organization. While quitting is sometimes the right answer, circumstances outside of your control can make staying the better (or only) choice. If you’re among those who need to remain in an unsatisfying role, it’s important to recognize that you’re not without options.

In our work with professionals and top leaders—Sharon as an executive psychologist and executive coach, and Dorie as an author and keynote speaker—we’ve identified four strategies to transform this challenging period into a valuable phase of your career.

Make it your choice to stay

When facing persistent negative experiences at work, your brain can default to a hard-wired state of learned helplessness, resulting in a reduced sense of control and burnout. Instead of viewing yourself as trapped, reclaim control by making an active choice to stay because the benefits currently outweigh the costs for you. For instance, instead of framing your job as “something I have to do,” it can be useful to change your internal mantra to “I’m coming to work on my own terms,” or viewing the company (and your paycheck) as “funding your eventual transition.”

To maintain your sense of agency, establish quarterly check-ins with yourself to reassess whether staying remains worthwhile. For instance, you could ask yourself:

• What aspects of the job, if any, are helping me grow?
• Are there skills, experiences, or contacts I can cultivate now that will help me later on?
• What’s my red line that would make the job intolerable (triggering a different decision), and how will I know if I’ve reached that point?

Asking these questions transforms an indefinite commitment into a series of intentional choices, enabling you to feel a greater sense of agency over your professional life.

Identify previously hidden opportunities

Owning your decision to stay reduces the stress of constantly trying to survive or change your situation, and enables you to access bigger picture, more creative thinking. Try adopting a beginner’s mindset to see your role through fresh eyes. Even if your position no longer stimulates you, you can find new meaning by exploring cross-functional connections, learning about customer impact, or revisiting promising ideas that were previously shelved during busier periods. Alternatively, you could choose to focus more on people development or practicing deeper presence with colleagues to improve the quality of your interactions.

For example, an SVP at a financial institution hired Sharon after being overlooked for a promotion. Concerned she wouldn’t be able to find a similar role at another company, she decided she needed to stay at her current job even if it meant not advancing.  However, by mapping organizational stakeholders and identifying opportunities to create value, she proposed and was approved for a new role leading a high-visibility, revenue-generating project of special interest to the CEO. This enabled her to navigate around her micromanaging boss, and earn both a title and salary advancement. Refreshing your perspective and considering your role from different angles enables you to see—and create— new opportunities and prevent stagnation.

Take responsibility for your part

Rather than blaming external factors for your dissatisfaction, identify what you might be contributing to the situation. Your degree of agency is typically greater than you realize and will determine your ability to drive better opportunities.

For instance, one of Sharon’s clients —a CTO at a technology company—wanted to leave, but was contractually obligated to stay for an additional year. She consciously chose to shift her thinking: “Instead of focusing on the inadequacies of my executive leadership, I started to focus on showing up as the best version of myself.” She identified ways to improve her team’s operations and build stronger partnerships with stakeholders. Those steps enabled her to implement industry-leading technology without increasing costs, which elevated her influence in management meetings and reduced the stress she felt around staying.

It’s useful to start by sorting out the aspects of your current situation that are within your control or influence, as well as those that are not. Choose one to three specific ways you can improve your current situation through your own efforts—without requiring anyone else to change. Additionally, you might consider developing a daily practice of setting a leadership intention each morning. Identify three specific qualities you want to embody that day, regardless of circumstances or others’ behavior. For example, you might choose “strategic, positive, and collaborative.” Even if you can’t control outside circumstances you can maximize your internal experience in order to increase your sense of efficacy and job satisfaction.

Use this time to evolve, not just endure

It can also be useful to view your current position as part of a larger career arc, rather than a holding pattern. Use this period strategically to develop skills for your next role or identify your next move. One woman that Dorie profiled in her book Reinventing You—an unhappy attorney—used her lunch hour strategically by inviting out people whose jobs she found fascinating. After dozens of lunches, she finally found her next career.

You can strive to identify at least one capability that would make you more marketable, then find opportunities to develop it in your current position by resculpting your role or expanding the bounds of your job description. For instance, if AI knowledge would benefit your future prospects, volunteer to join or lead your company’s AI working group. If public speaking would enhance your profile, represent your organization at industry conferences.

Additionally, leverage the familiarity of your current role—you’re more efficient because you know the ropes—to create bandwidth for external development. Consider applying for board advisory positions, industry association leadership, or certification programs. You may also identify other ways to tap into flow states, such as mentoring others or immersing yourself in a meaningful hobby.

When quitting isn’t an option, it’s still possible to transform a challenging work situation into a growth opportunity. By following these steps, you can regain your sense of agency, reduce stress, and prepare yourself for future opportunities—rather than simply surviving.

Source: HBR

Facebook

Google

Twitter

Linkedin

Email

Story by Peter Economy

Leadership doesn’t have to be an innate gift. All it takes is the will to develop powerful communication skills.

Picture it. A sea of faces, all eagerly awaiting your next words. A bright stage, subtly drawing all eyes to the sole figure in the spotlight. This is the image of a leader who can command any crowd, captivating them with charisma, assurance, and adept communication skills.

The reality is that these kinds of leaders are actually cultivated with time and effort. It doesn’t have to be an innate gift. All it takes is the will to develop some powerful communication skills, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming an exceptional leader. Here are five communication skills that have the power to take your leadership from good to great.

1. Make it personal: The power of storytelling 

Have you ever spoken to someone and instantly felt that inexplicable connection that makes them feel more like a friend than a stranger? The key to developing that experience in every interaction is sharing a little bit about yourself. Don’t be afraid to relate some of your backstory and the experiences that have made you who you are. Sharing your story and creating a space for open communication will make people around you feel more comfortable doing the same. Before you know it, you’re enjoying a truly personal conversation.

2. Be gentle: The difference in tone can make all the difference 

Think about the tone you take when you speak to a group of people (or when you speak to a crowd on a stage). Are you calm and soothing, or do you tend to get a little worked up—addressing the group in a near shout? If it’s the latter, make a point to tone things down. Be patient and get your point across with a sense of careful, measured calm. Being a great leader and excelling at communication is as much about respecting others as it is about being respected.

3. Truly listen: The underrated art of empathy 

Can you remember a time—maybe early in your career—when someone in a position of authority over you stopped and listened to you? I don’t mean a casual acknowledgment that you’ve spoken. I’m talking about the kind of sincere, wholehearted listening that makes you feel truly seen and heard. It’s a gift to experience that kind of empathy, especially from someone in a position of power over you. Be sure to give that gift to your people regularly.

4. Stand out: Make your mark, your way 

It’s important that every interaction you have with another person leaves a lasting impact. After all, when it comes to good communication, being remembered is half the battle. Maybe you’re not the kind of leader who is remembered for making grand speeches in front of crowds. That’s not a problem—there are all kinds of leaders, and each of them has a different way of standing out. The important thing is that you develop your own unique leadership brand, so that people always know when it is you who is in the spotlight.

5. Keep an open mind: Different people, different stories 

When it comes to leadership and communication, one of the most common pitfalls to avoid is the closed mind. Don’t jump to conclusions about what others are telling you. Don’t be so quick to ignore someone’s idea or suggestion before you even understand where they came from. Every person has a different story and a different way of perceiving the world. As a truly great leader, one of your jobs is to uncover those stories. Be open-minded and remember that every person is an entirely new opportunity for interaction, listening, and communication.

This post originally appeared at inc.com.

Facebook

Google

Twitter

Linkedin

Email

Story by Aytekin Tank

When I entered the workforce, I remember trying to appear constantly available to my bosses. It was the height of hustle culture, back when phrases like “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” actually sounded cool. Prioritizing work above all else felt like a prerequisite for climbing the corporate ladder. It was also a fast-track to burnout.

Now, as the CEO of my own company, I appreciate when employees and candidates are honest about their boundaries. To me, it signals a well-rounded person who is more likely to thrive and stick around. I’m more interested in how they think, whether they’re solution-oriented, and what kind of energy they bring to the team.

For a long time, putting in more hours was the unspoken rule for proving your commitment to your job. But that’s changing. Today’s workplace increasingly values outcomes over hours. The “always-on” era is giving way to something very different. Employees are prioritizing a holistic sense of well-being, and I think that’s a positive shift for individuals and organizations alike. Here’s why.

Looking busy doesn’t equal productivity 

The “rocks, pebbles, and sand” metaphor is a useful way to rethink how we measure productivity, for ourselves and for our teams. The rocks are the priorities: the high-impact tasks that inspire employees and energize them. For me, the rocks are writing and strategizing how to simplify our users’ lives through automation. The sand, on the other hand, is the low-value busywork—those draining tasks that clutter the day without moving the needle. Think: expense reports, invoicing, unnecessary meetings, or chasing status updates.

It’s easier than ever to fill our calendars with sand and convince ourselves we’re being productive. But when our teams are overloaded with the trivial—the sand—there’s no room left for meaningful work.

Leaders are tasked with protecting time for the rocks, in our own schedules and across organizations. That means setting an example about clearly and regularly outlining priorities, encouraging employees to streamline or eliminate busywork, and valuing outcomes over hours. Just because someone is still online at 6:30 p.m. doesn’t mean they’re being effective. And just because someone has to cut out early doesn’t mean they haven’t had a productive day.

Create a culture that values deep and smart work, and you’ll see not only better results but also more energized employees.

Focusing on outcomes encourages efficiency

Constraints often spark creativity. Deadlines, for example, force us to figure out the most efficient way to get something done. If you’ve ever pulled off a last-minute project under the gun and surprised yourself with how quickly you accomplished it, you know the power of time pressure. You might have even thought afterward: If only I could always work with that kind of momentum.

By contrast, when organizations focus on hours worked, with face-time requirements and mandating that employees be “on” for a certain number of hours each day, tasks tend to expand to fill the time available. That’s the antithesis of true productivity.

Consider law firms, where clients are billed by the hour. Lawyers must track every minute of their day. Those who work quickly and efficiently are often penalized, with fewer hours to bill. It’s a system that rewards time spent over value delivered.

When leaders shift the focus to outcomes, employees are naturally motivated to work smarter, not longer. This requires setting clear expectations for what success looks like on a project or task, beyond just the time spent.

As Georgia Dawson, senior partner at global law firm Freshfields Bruckhaus Deringer, puts it: “It would be ideal for the industry if we can start to move toward more of a focus on outputs and the value that is being delivered by lawyers. That supports a drive toward efficiency, a drive toward the use of technology, and it can help to support a better focus on mental health, well-being, and diversity in the profession as well.”

The same logic applies beyond law. Outcome-oriented environments lead to smarter work, better tools, and healthier teams.

An output-focused culture resonates with Gen Z

Recent research from Deloitte shows that younger generations, especially Gen Z, highly value flexibility in when, where, and how they work. But many aren’t experiencing that flexibility in practice. Instead, they report high levels of anxiety about work-life balance, with long hours being a significant contributor to that stress.

Adopting a more outcome-focused approach helps bridge that gap. When employees are trusted to deliver results rather than log hours, they gain the autonomy to structure their schedules around their lives. That flexibility supports higher levels of well-being, stronger performance, and boosted engagement. It creates the kind of work atmosphere that younger employees gravitate toward.

I’ve seen firsthand how Gen Z thrives with more flexibility, and it benefits our company too. They’re tech-savvy and automation-minded. Give them a goal, and they’ll often find faster, smarter ways to achieve it. When leaders focus on outcomes instead of hours, they unlock that productivity potential.

This post originally appeared at fastcompany.com